Parent using drugs - Sidan 2

festiz · 2008-07-31, 23:57

It's really a difficult situation you are in.. I think you're a really good and careful sister.. they are very lucky to have you

I don't have any advice to give you because I'm not sure what I've should have done if I where you.. I just wanted to tell you that I feel for you and really hope it's going to get better for you and your family.. and I DON'T agree with Davikar, that your parents are bad people.. (but I don't know..i've never met them) I don't think people that using drugs are bad people (maybe some), but definitely not all. I think they really love you and your sisters but maybe it not seems like that because they are so addicted to the drug..it's hard to explain.
I wish you and your family the best.

tomlover · 2008-08-18, 23:51

thanks very mutch

Jolene · 2008-08-24, 10:56

I really dont agree with the person who said drugusers are necessarily bad people, but drugs doesnt exactly bring out the best in a person. And i dont agree that you should just not do anything for your sisters, i think that will damage them longrun, and i think you are strong and great that care about them despite what youve gone through. What kind of drugs are your parents using? Have they ever been to rehab? Are they always not caring or do they sometimes seem to love you kids, have they ever said they want to quit or tried? Are your siblings doing well in life or are they unhappy?

Im asking a lot of questions, but id just like to know a bit more about your situation. I think the best would be to look for help at the social or similar, but i know this is so hard. I myself had parents that were treating me bad, my dad was a drunk and a drugaddict and my mum and stepdad was beating me almost every day and doing a lot of other bad things, i was to scared to go and look for help back then, but today i regret that i didnt. I think in this situation people around you often tend to look the other way. Im sure neighbours and such knew about my situation but they never did anything. Probably they were scared, so i think its unfair cause youre so young, but i still think you need to do it. Try to get help from outside, either social service or talk to someone else that you trust. Its no good like this. And maybe in the end your parents can get help. There is rehabs that take parents with kids, or at least the mother and the kids, so your sibling might not even have to go to fostercare. Its all about what your parents do in this situation, if the social come there they will demand that you kids are moving or that the parents get treatment of some kind.

I also used drugs myself for many years, but i also managed to quit and im never going back. So i know what im talking about.

Take care, im thinking of you and hope it will sort out, write to me if you want to.

Jolene · 2008-08-24, 11:05

also i think you shouldnt worry so much that your sisters will look at your parents and then go and do the same thing, that doesnt necesarily happen. They might just like you make their own impression and create their own viewpoints. I do think though that its better that your family get some help now, and maybe your sisters will get less harmed than they would have been if they stay for years in that environment, because being around drugusers is chaos!!

Maybe im asking you to do a lot now, but you could file a report also without writing your name on it so no one will know who wrote it. If you decide you cant do it, that you arent up to it at the moment, i think you should try to think that you are really doing your best to be good with your sisters and im sure they will appreciate it. If you do some things wrong or not perfect, so what, youre not their mother, you are a bonus to them probably. No one expect a person to always be perfect, especially not when you lived in the circumstances you have. Not even a parent have to be perfect in relation to their kids, but they should do their best to be good and loving. Love is the most important thing i think, and i feel you give that to them.

dunno · 2008-11-06, 23:21

Citat:

Ursprungligen postat av tomlover

Hi everyone -

This is my first time posting, but I hope someone, anyone, can give me some advice.

It's not me who is abusing drugs, it's my parents -
I'm sixteen years old, and they've been doing this my whole life.
The first time I knew I hated what they were doing was when I was 8 years old, crying, and I went to their room for help, but I got screamed and yelled at to not bother them.

At that point I felt like they chose drugs over their own child who needed parents.
Ever since that day, I've been carrying this resentment towards them -
I love my parents, but I can feel so angry towards them.

Whether that one day when I was 8 was what told me, "I don't want to do drugs", or wasn't, I know that even though I've grown up around it, I've never wanted to.

But my reason for posting here isn't for myself, it's because of my little sisters.
My one little sister is 7, and I know she's at the age where she is going to begin knowing what they are doing.
But I don't know what to do.
I want to express to her how much what they do hurts me everyday, how much I want for her to be strong, and for her to know not to do what they do.

I know that while I'm still living here she will have me as a support no matter what, but I also know before long I will be living somewhere else and she will have to deal with this without me being right there.
I just don't know if I should come straight out and say, "Please don't ever do what you see Mom and Dad doing" -
I don't know what to do.

Every single day I'm trying my hardest to make up for what my parents have lacked in -
My little sisters mean the world to me, and I never want them to be hurt.
I know that someday, they will have to face the world on their own -
I'm scared, because I wish I could protect them from any single thing that could hurt them, but I know I can't, and shouldn't.

They know Mom loves them, and they love her -
But they've also had her yell at them, they've heard the same heartless words come from her that used to make me so upset.
And then they have me as their bigger sister who has never, ever done anything to hurt them -
I'm not their mother, but since they were born it was my goal to always be there to help them.
And because I've never harmed them, they un-questioningly follow my guidance, and I feel so much pressure to do everything correctly.

I just don't know what to do to guide them away from what they are living in the same house with, every day.
I don't know how to tell them they shouldn't do that.
Because in my mind I feel like I am hurting my parents' image to them, I feel like I am saying they are bad people -
But this isn't what I want to do.

I just want to let them know that some of the things my parents do, they shouldn't.

If anyone actually reads this, thank you.
Please give me your advice and guidance, please.

Hi

My mother takes drugs and I have seen what it can do to a happy home and my brother never actually told me what was going on and I was always blaiming myself whenI couldn't get along with my mum, and sometimes she would be really hard on me for no reason. It started probably when I was 14-15 and before that she had been clean for many years.Of courseI wasn't perfect but things she said to me and did to me really hurt me. I tried to take my life once, hated my own guts and thought that I was really the Issue (Why do I always make mum so mad? ) and are still there with me today and i still blaime myslef! It shows of because I have the worst selfasteam today and think the worst of people.
So what my advice to you would be, I know that people are telling you that they are not your responsibility, but I would say that they are.
Since your parents can't seem to be parents right now and you dont want socialservices to take your sisters, because that is the most horrible thing that can happen to your sisters (I've been there, and they did even care, because I wasn't 1

and they wont understand...but maybe your too young to take care of them, but no matter what stay with them and make sure that they know that it isnt there fault. Make sure you meet the people that they are staying with if it comes to socialservices, and demand if you can have the same family or same neighbourhood or something, just because its socialservices doesnt mean its going to be any better than what you guys had at home. Some just dump you some where and don't care what happens to you.
But mostimportant thing is to let them know whats going on..so that when they get older they wont have to blaime there selfs like I did, but make sure they know that mum and dad will get better one day but not now.

I hope I helped you a little.
Take Care / Dunno

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2008-07-31, 23:57	#11 (permalink)
festiz Member Silvermedlem Reg.datum: Mar 2008 Inlägg: 55 Krediter: 249	It's really a difficult situation you are in.. I think you're a really good and careful sister.. they are very lucky to have you I don't have any advice to give you because I'm not sure what I've should have done if I where you.. I just wanted to tell you that I feel for you and really hope it's going to get better for you and your family.. and I DON'T agree with Davikar, that your parents are bad people.. (but I don't know..i've never met them) I don't think people that using drugs are bad people (maybe some), but definitely not all. I think they really love you and your sisters but maybe it not seems like that because they are so addicted to the drug..it's hard to explain. I wish you and your family the best.

2008-08-18, 23:51	#12 (permalink)
tomlover Junior Member Nykomling Reg.datum: Apr 2008 Inlägg: 5 Krediter: 52	thanks very mutch

2008-08-24, 10:56	#13 (permalink)
Jolene Senior Member Guldmedlem Reg.datum: May 2008 Inlägg: 242 Krediter: 904	I really dont agree with the person who said drugusers are necessarily bad people, but drugs doesnt exactly bring out the best in a person. And i dont agree that you should just not do anything for your sisters, i think that will damage them longrun, and i think you are strong and great that care about them despite what youve gone through. What kind of drugs are your parents using? Have they ever been to rehab? Are they always not caring or do they sometimes seem to love you kids, have they ever said they want to quit or tried? Are your siblings doing well in life or are they unhappy? Im asking a lot of questions, but id just like to know a bit more about your situation. I think the best would be to look for help at the social or similar, but i know this is so hard. I myself had parents that were treating me bad, my dad was a drunk and a drugaddict and my mum and stepdad was beating me almost every day and doing a lot of other bad things, i was to scared to go and look for help back then, but today i regret that i didnt. I think in this situation people around you often tend to look the other way. Im sure neighbours and such knew about my situation but they never did anything. Probably they were scared, so i think its unfair cause youre so young, but i still think you need to do it. Try to get help from outside, either social service or talk to someone else that you trust. Its no good like this. And maybe in the end your parents can get help. There is rehabs that take parents with kids, or at least the mother and the kids, so your sibling might not even have to go to fostercare. Its all about what your parents do in this situation, if the social come there they will demand that you kids are moving or that the parents get treatment of some kind. I also used drugs myself for many years, but i also managed to quit and im never going back. So i know what im talking about. Take care, im thinking of you and hope it will sort out, write to me if you want to.

2008-08-24, 11:05	#14 (permalink)
Jolene Senior Member Guldmedlem Reg.datum: May 2008 Inlägg: 242 Krediter: 904	also i think you shouldnt worry so much that your sisters will look at your parents and then go and do the same thing, that doesnt necesarily happen. They might just like you make their own impression and create their own viewpoints. I do think though that its better that your family get some help now, and maybe your sisters will get less harmed than they would have been if they stay for years in that environment, because being around drugusers is chaos!! Maybe im asking you to do a lot now, but you could file a report also without writing your name on it so no one will know who wrote it. If you decide you cant do it, that you arent up to it at the moment, i think you should try to think that you are really doing your best to be good with your sisters and im sure they will appreciate it. If you do some things wrong or not perfect, so what, youre not their mother, you are a bonus to them probably. No one expect a person to always be perfect, especially not when you lived in the circumstances you have. Not even a parent have to be perfect in relation to their kids, but they should do their best to be good and loving. Love is the most important thing i think, and i feel you give that to them.