tomlover

Hi everyone -

This is my first time posting, but I hope someone, anyone, can give me some advice.

It's not me who is abusing drugs, it's my parents -
I'm sixteen years old, and they've been doing this my whole life.
The first time I knew I hated what they were doing was when I was 8 years old, crying, and I went to their room for help, but I got screamed and yelled at to not bother them.

At that point I felt like they chose drugs over their own child who needed parents.
Ever since that day, I've been carrying this resentment towards them -
I love my parents, but I can feel so angry towards them.

Whether that one day when I was 8 was what told me, "I don't want to do drugs", or wasn't, I know that even though I've grown up around it, I've never wanted to.

But my reason for posting here isn't for myself, it's because of my little sisters.
My one little sister is 7, and I know she's at the age where she is going to begin knowing what they are doing.
But I don't know what to do.
I want to express to her how much what they do hurts me everyday, how much I want for her to be strong, and for her to know not to do what they do.

I know that while I'm still living here she will have me as a support no matter what, but I also know before long I will be living somewhere else and she will have to deal with this without me being right there.
I just don't know if I should come straight out and say, "Please don't ever do what you see Mom and Dad doing" -
I don't know what to do.

Every single day I'm trying my hardest to make up for what my parents have lacked in -
My little sisters mean the world to me, and I never want them to be hurt.
I know that someday, they will have to face the world on their own -
I'm scared, because I wish I could protect them from any single thing that could hurt them, but I know I can't, and shouldn't.

They know Mom loves them, and they love her -
But they've also had her yell at them, they've heard the same heartless words come from her that used to make me so upset.
And then they have me as their bigger sister who has never, ever done anything to hurt them -
I'm not their mother, but since they were born it was my goal to always be there to help them.
And because I've never harmed them, they un-questioningly follow my guidance, and I feel so much pressure to do everything correctly.

I just don't know what to do to guide them away from what they are living in the same house with, every day.
I don't know how to tell them they shouldn't do that.
Because in my mind I feel like I am hurting my parents' image to them, I feel like I am saying they are bad people -
But this isn't what I want to do.

I just want to let them know that some of the things my parents do, they shouldn't.

If anyone actually reads this, thank you.
Please give me your advice and guidance, please.